Can You Have Herpes for 20 Years and Not Know

Can you lot tell u.s. a bit near yourself?
I'thou a normal, 20-something girl. I'm an economics major, sociology small at a Midwest college. I party on weekends, serve at a local java store for cash and love spending it all on shoes. I'yard normal.

Simply I have herpes.

I grew up in a good home, in a heart-grade neighborhood and my parents are however together. Sexual activity was never a taboo topic, and sexual wellness was never something I was shy nearly. I've had sex with ten men (only 2 of which I wasn't in a relationship with), all of which I have used condoms with – most of the time.

For those of us who aren't sure, could you tell the states what Herpes is?
Basically, herpes is a virus and in one case you have it, it's yours for life. At that place are two types, Simplex one and 2. I accept 1, which is the "lighter" version, that usual manifests as oral cold sores.

However, I got it on my genitals, nearly likely after receiving oral sexual activity from someone who has it. Simplex 2 is "stronger" and what most people show as genital herpes. Wikipedia explains more than, as do numerous online sources (be sure to check references and always ask your physician if your information is correct)

How did you get Herpes?
The crazy thing about herpes is, yous never can be totally sure where you lot got it from.

My ex-boyfriend from a few years ago, Chris, has herpes. He was completely honest nigh information technology with me from day one, and for that reason I notwithstanding concur him in the highest regard. It was completely my decision to slumber with him full knowing the risk of communicable it. We were e'er careful to apply condoms.

But non careful enough that the occasional night we would go defenseless upwards and not use 1. But he's had it for ten years and knows his torso. He never in one case had sexual practice with me when he thought there could be even the slightest chance. We had sex for over four years, and I never had a trouble. We broke upwardly last year.

How did yous find out that yous had it?
I had been seeing another guy, John, for a couple months near a year after Chris and I broke up. One night nosotros had sex, and it was pretty crude (a trigger for a herpes outbreak). I woke up feeling sore but thought it was simply because nosotros had gone at it pretty difficult. A few days after we had sex again, and the next morning I woke upwardly in unbearable pain.

Information technology felt like someone was stabbing me in the crotch, while giving me rug fire, while pouring acid over acme. When I checked myself out, I saw a couple little sores. I freaked out and got to the doc that same day. He told me that it was but an allergic reaction to the condoms nosotros used and gave me a cortisone cream. He still did an STI test, but I heard nothing back.

Two days later, the sores were everywhere, I couldn't pee, or go to the bathroom, and couldn't sleep or walk. New doc said it might be herpes, merely didn't exam or give me anything for information technology. 2 days later I went to another medico.

This was possibly the worst feel of my life. I could barely open up my legs I was in so much hurting. He had to insert a speculum to do a swab, I was literally screaming and crying hysterically on the table. I was begging him to stop. He couldn't finish swabbing considering I was pain so bad.

He then had to scrap ane of the sores to become cells for testing. Again, I was screaming and sobbing, but had to let him do it, because I had to know what was wrong with me. Information technology was hell.

He prescribed me painkillers and Valtrex (an oral anti-viral for herpes). He said there was a risk information technology could be something else, but to be safety nosotros'd showtime on Valtrex right abroad.

How did y'all feel when you found out?
I spent the week alone, at home, crying, sobbing. Anytime I would be wake up or feel the pain, I'd pop a pill and try to sleep. It was atrocious. My business firm fell apart, I stopped eating, I didn't talk to anyone. I literally close myself in.

I felt icky and still do in a way. I felt similar the light in me was turned off. I felt similar the happy, bubbly, flirty, fun girl I used to be was killed. I was ashamed, I felt dirty, I felt like no one would love me again. When I told John, I watched the look in his optics change. I haven't heard from him since.

And although I have a history of a sexual partner with canker, that does NOT necessarily hateful that Chris gave it to me. John could have given it to me simply as piece of cake. That's the affair, you NEVER know. Chris has been a rock through this. I didn't want to tell him, but I needed support. He has been amazing.

In a weird fashion, it'southward dissolved any remaining tension between u.s.a.. And in another weird way, it cleared up any questions I had nearly John and the type of person he is. So, some good in the bad.

What sort of treatments take y'all tried? Have they been successful for you?
I have just been using Valtrex, and only when I feel an outbreak coming. I besides avoid potential triggers, such equally dominicus exposure and high stress situations. So far I've been successful in fighting this.

How has this afflicted your romantic life?
As I said, John and I broke upwardly. To exist honest, if a guy reacts like that, then I don't want him in my life anyways.

I have not had any romantic partners since. I have been holding back on getting shut with anyone because I am dreading the day I have to tell them.

Chris told me about his herpes about 2 months into our human relationship, long before we had done more than so make out. He trusted me not simply to not tell anyone, but he also trusted that I would accept him for who he is, flaws and all. I remember that when he told me, I was non disgusted or even disappointed.

If anything, I felt closer to him. And because of his honesty, I never had trust issues with him. So I promise the same will happen for me when I tell my next boyfriend. But if he can't handle information technology, that's fine too, considering I don't want to be with someone who won't love me exactly the manner I am.

And in a strange way, it'south well-nigh a blessing… I won't be sleeping with a guy I similar right away, he now has to earn my trust.

What steps do you lot take to avoid giving Herpes to a partner?
The merely sure fire way is not to take sexual activity at all. Oral counts.

But if yous and your partner are going to, and one of yous is infected, yous can take certain steps to be safer. Never, Ever have sex when there are sores present. Even in the healing stage, when they are no longer contagious, don't have sexual activity, information technology's not worth the run a risk.

Never accept sex activity when you lot feel an outbreak about to happen (burning, itching, tingling). Ever use a condom and a spermicide. Be open, honest and communicate. Trust your gut. Don't take stupid risks. Go along to get screened. Make certain y'all always have a supply of Valtrex on manus but in case. But mainly, communicate honestly.

What advice would you give to someone who has just been diagnosed?
Before you lot've been diagnosed, if you feel that something "down in that location" is wrong, don't wait. Go to a clinic correct abroad and tell them what you recollect information technology is. I didn't tell the first doc I thought information technology was herpes considering I didn't want to believe it.

I wanted it to but be a reaction to the rubber. Become tested right away and get on medicine for it correct away, otherwise you're in for a WORLD of pain.

Go a good drug plan. Ever accept a stash of meds but in instance. Know your body and have extra proficient care of it. Do research, but don't quote the internet. Talk to your medico. Use the anonymous telephone lines if you desire to talk to someone. Ever exist open and honest with your partner.

DON'T blame anyone. Accept that yous chose to accept sex in the first place, knowing that STIs ARE a possible outcome, and accept it. Never blame someone else, that volition simply kill you in the cease.

What advice would you give to someone who'southward interested in a person who's been diagnosed?
First of all, I recommend this book.

Secondly, enquire yourself if in that location is a time to come with this person. Inquire yourself if you are really willing to contract this virus that you volition accept forever. Don't romance it. It HURTS, physically AND emotionally.

What If you lot go it and you interruption upwards? Are y'all gear up to be the i telling your new partner about it? Will y'all have full responsibility if you get herpes? Or will y'all resent your partner? Across that, enquire yourself how much you trust your partner.

Will they be open and honest with y'all virtually the state of their health? Will they put you lot at risk if they're horny ane dark? Will they respect you when you say no? If y'all can't have an open and frank conversation with your partner most sex and STIs, whether or non either of yous have one, I actually recall you demand to reevaluate why you lot're in that relationship in the first identify.

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Source: https://www.yesandyes.org/2011/02/true-story-i-have-herpes.html

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